I’ve officially moved to:
Posted by ash on February 1, 2013
i am seriously struggling lately. i feel like life is just so unbalanced. i still can’t find my groove since jackson was born. there isn’t enough time in the day and i feel like i’m doing lots of things but not finishing anything. what is the deal??
tonight, i decided i want to get an erin condren life planner. maybe going back to paper planning will help me get stuff done. but i have literally spent HOURS trying to decide on a design. why have a wasted hours doing this? i should have just picked one and moved on, but I didn’t! and i’m still going to sleep on it tonight and then pick tomorrow. anyway, i am a bit excited about the planner. i need some new organization in my life.
i’m just exhausted and tired of feeling like i’m sucking at everything. i feel like i don’t have enough time for jackson. i feel like i don’t make enough time for ethan. i feel like i don’t make enough time for friends or family. i feel like i don’t make enough time for me. and i know i don’t make enough time for God. i’m really tired of feeling like i’m sucking at everything.
i’m trying to get my life organized. really trying…
Posted by ash on August 20, 2012
one year of motherhood under my belt (well 14-monts now, i started this post 2 months ago). we have a happy, healthy baby = grand success.
i love being a mommy. i’ve always known i would. what i didn’t know how much i’d love being jackson’s mommy. it really is the greatest thing on earth. he is such a sweet, happy child. i adore him with every ounce of my being. i understand now that deep rooted love that is incomparable to anything else you know… until you give birth to a child; a child that grew from a few tiny cells to an amazing little being. you can imagine it, you can understand it… but you don’t really understand it. i get that now.
being a mommy has changed relationships in my life. its changed my friendships, its changed my marriage and its changed my faith. i’m lucky that my best friend, Hope, had a baby just weeks before Jackson was born. Its an amazing blessing to be able to go through pregnancy and your child’s life with your best friend. In general though, all my friendships have taken a hit unintentionally. I’ve been trying to make more of an effort recently to spend more time with friends, but its hard to find time to get out of the house, especially because what free time i have i try to dedicate to the hubby.
our marriage is stronger because Jackson has come into the world. we’re closer in so many ways. but if i’m being honest, the last year has been the hardest of our marriage which is saying a lot considering the fact that we’ve been together for almost 12 years and married for 6.5 years (i know in the grand scheme of life that’s not that long but considering our lifespans, it is quite a long time). i really blame the hard times on sleep deprivation. everyone is grouchy when they don’t get enough sleep and well… jackson didn’t start sleeping through the night until the week before his birthday and was waking at least 3 times a night until about 9-months! and even still, sleeping through the night is not a normal occurrence in our house! but the tough times are blips. we’re happy. we’re closer and stronger. i’ve always been scared of what having children would do to our marriage. i know we have a long road ahead of us and having more children will change the dynamics of our marriage again, but i feel even more confident in saying that we are truly in this for the long haul and we can survive the big changes in our marriage. i’m so blessed to have ethan along side me for this journey. i’m so so so blessed. it’s hard to believe that we fell in love when we were only 16 years old and here we are 12 years later, still together and even happier and more in love now than we were as love sick 16-year olds :-)
we made it to one year of breastfeeding, it wasn’t exclusive breastfeeding. (post 1 and post 2 about breastfeeding baby J). the last few months you can barely say i breastfed, but i figure a little is better than none and he’s hopefully getting *some* nutrients and antibodies and all that good stuff. we made it to about 13-months and we just naturally weaned.
one year of mommyhood has taught me that its about your gut. i spend a lot of time on the interwebs. the interwebs is full of information overload. its hard sometimes to figure out the “right” thing when it comes to raising a child and being a parent. you learn to listen to your gut more although you still have plenty of doubts and worries… is what you’re doing the right decision in the long run? am i forever damaging my child?? oh the worry and doubts! but i’ve found my gut is pretty good. i think i’ve got this down.
i really do love being a mommy. i love being jackson’s mommy. i usually say that hubby is the greatest blessing of my life. he’s my best friend and has been by my side for so long that i truly don’t know what i would do without him. but i can now say that jackson is equally the greatest blessing of my life. i can have two greatest blessings, right? :-)
life is mommy is good. exhausting, but really really good.
Posted by ash on July 25, 2012
My little smartie can say so many words! About three weeks ago, he learned how to say shoes (or “choos”) and bye-bye (evidence below). He particularly loves saying shoes still and gets excited to put on his squeaky shoes!
He’s 14 months old and here’s the list of words he says repeatedly:
- puppy (and puppies)
- “bah” (ball)
- “bre-fess” (breakfast)
- “geez” (cheese)
- “go-fish” (goldfish)
- “choos” (shoes)
- “Os” (cheerios)
- “diss” (this)
He also signs milk, finished/done, eat, and drink.
I am certain there are more, but I’m drawing blanks!
Posted by ash on July 24, 2012
Seriously y’all… how is my baby one?? We had a small first birthday party with family and a few friends!
I seriously procrastinated when it came to his birthday. Denial probably, because we know I’m normally a big planner. Hell, I started brainstorming ideas before he was born! But I failed to order decorations in advance like i wanted so I had to run around and find stuff locally. I also didn’t decide on the menu until the week of! But it all came together… not exactly how I envisioned but we had a good time!
Best year of my life! Happy birthday baby boy!!
Posted by ash on May 15, 2012